SULU IS GAY?!? THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT!
LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- George Takei, who as "Star Trek's" Sulu was part of the Starship Enterprise crew through three television seasons and six movies, has come out as a homosexual in the current issue of Frontiers, a biweekly Los Angeles magazine covering the gay and lesbian community.
Did you know about all about this? Were you somehow involved in on the cover up?
You realize, this changes everything. Everything!
I hope for your sake you didn't know about this all along.
This is so very wrong. I feel betrayed.
Didn't he have to sign some sort of Federation oath?
I'm repulsed, yet strangely aroused.
Of course, this explains the dreams.
Me, trying to land my shuttle in Sulu's docking bay. Him, yelling for more thrusters, more thrusters.
I should call my priest. Well, not Father Andrews. His cellblock lost their phone privileges for a month after some idiot started his mattress on fire.
Maybe Sister Pat. She promised to come over and rebuild the engine of my Harley, after she gets back from her religious retreat in San Francisco.
How could Sulu be gay? Next they'll be telling us that Captain Kirk is really bald. Or that mop top Chekhov was only put on board to reel in the 'Beatle crazy' youth of the 60s.
I think it's all a bunch of lies propagated by Khan. I bet he's behind it. Him and his luscious long hair, and those washboard abs and pecs of perfection.
That's it. Never happened. Not true. Not going to melt all my Sulu action figures with a blowtorch. No need to peel the posters off the ceiling.
Everything's fine. Deep breaths.
All is good.
"Live long and use plenty of lubricant"