|Wait a second! This isn't right! That idiot at the filling station is going|
to get a stern talking to!
|Hold on! You can farm with dynamite now? Count me in!|
|Is this a trick question? Why am I blindfolded?|
Why did I need to remove my trousers? HEY!!
|You're right, Sarge. Things could get worse. |
We left the sandwiches on the airplane!
|If the smelly rats don't get you, the flying neck kick will for sure!|
|Some use knives or guns, but real men settle their differences with a good|
old fashioned ax fight!
|Time is precious. All postcards should be this efficient!|
|On days when the crime rate was up, some newspapers used to come with a complimentary weapon.|
|Yes, professor. This one has a healthy heart too. Can we take a break for a while?|
My testicles are beginning to burn again. I need to go soak them.
|The device is working perfectly, sir. We have no idea whatsoever what it's doing, but it|
seems to be doing it flawlessly!
|Perhaps because it required the customer to sit motionless for up to three days, Prof. Hooverblat's|
automated hair cutting machine was a dismal failure. He was later able to adapt it to spay and
neuter cats and dogs.
|Marge Voostoven, a.k.a. The Human Tugboat, was able to pull enormous freighters into dock|
using only the power of her mind. After ten years on the job she was able to save enough money
to open a yarn store in Wisconsin.
|In the future, scientists will perfect mind-altering drugs that will make people believe they are|
seeing enormous farm produce.
|I'm no Sherlock Holmes, but I suspect all these stories are connected. Well, except for the one about the traffic problem.|
|Spears? No one said anything about spears. I'm a bleeder. See you guy|
back at the boat.
|Another one? What's the deal? I thought these things only hung out in|
oceans and seas and stuff!
|You're a sick little girl, Nancy. Leave Sluggo alone.|
|Okay, okay. If you're going to get all dramatic on me.|
|Lester Holts would have made a successful private investigator if not for his leaky bladder problem.|
|You can do that all day long, Bradley, but you're wasting your time.|
I'm not switching desks with you. I like being by the window.
|Sure, I subscribe to it, but I only read it for the gags and giggles.|
|One more rejection like this and I give up writing. Oh, who am I kidding!|
|Case #5591 from the "WHAT COULD GO WRONG?" files.|
|Well, technically it does have a view. But still...|
|I'm such a fool! Why didn't I go out with Fred Schiller when he asked?|
Now he has a successful blog and owns a profitable coin laundry. Sigh...
|Switch to Facebook Timeline? Ha! Never!!|
|How do I keep getting into these fixes? Mom's right, I bring it on myself.|
|I'm no expert, Wally. But I think you've become a dessert topping.|
|Things were much more atmospheric back before color came along and ruined everything.|