A collection of odd things for odd people; like me!

When you want your clothes sexy and soft and smooth.

"Alfred, I left my house key in my other Utility Belt. Let me in. I see you sitting 
back there sipping my 100-year-old brandy, you wrinkled old piece of beef jerky!"

She sure seems excited about getting that new lightbulb.

Ciao, baby!

Look at the way it's just sitting there, trying to look all innocent. It's definitely up to no good.

I've never been so afraid of a hamburger in my life...

A unique conversation piece for...you and the person in there watching you poop?

Egyptian cigarettes. They taste like you're smoking cork, but the 
boxes have pretty pictures on them.

Awww...but she tastes so good on crackers, on in a sandwich with
lots of pickles!

However, getting your front tire stuck in the storm drain
and flying into oncoming traffic, isn't.

If there's a twenty-year age difference between you,
probably not. But I'm more concerned with what
the deal is with that drawing of a man/woman. 

Smoke the right unfiltered cigarette and the girls will be all over you--
at least until you start coughing up bloody chunks of your lungs.

New for holiday gift giving--My Little Death Dealer. 

I don't think this magazine is for me if it's going to make me look like him!

Well, I like dinnertimin' and anytimin' eating too! Do you suppose they
would let me in, even though I'm a caucasian? 

I've never tasted it, but if I had I'm sure this would be my favorite orange soda of all time!

The hero of children and matches--what a perfect
combination. Superman isn't afraid of fire, so
your napping father shouldn't be either!

He patrols the city by night and the beaches by day--when does
Batman find time to sleep?

A television that shows color pictures and stands on legs? Talk about
a fad that will never catch on!

Music and video playing at the same time? Another crazy fad!

Well, she likes to macrame, never brushes her hair, grows enough pot to supply
the family and trade for food, doesn't shave her legs or pits, and only bathes on
every other Thursday, so I'm thinking that I do have the right kind of wife.

Now THIS is our ticket to success--a telephone you dial with
computer key cards. It's the wave of the future so I sold the house
and all out stocks and we're going to ride this wave to success!

Who knows what evil lives in the hearts of chairs? Umm...this guy does.

Yeah, these look like they were imported straight from Whore Island!

I love waking to the smell of melting plastic and burning cardboard. It makes
me glad to be a man--specifically a fireman.