It turns out that UPS people are funny AND look good in shorts.


After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident...

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.


P: Something loose in cockpit

S: Something tightened in cockpit


P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.


P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.


P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.


P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.


P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you 're right.


P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search


P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.


P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.


P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.


P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from the midget.


"Honey, would you call work for me? I'm just not going to make it. Tell them I have a flu or cold or something."

Okay, I'm very good with these things. I just push the red button and it will take the picture?

Oh, snap! He did Nazi that coming!

For some unknown reason, this is my favorite photograph of balloons. Something about them just seems so familiar.

I love this person's work.

School's in session. Today's lesson is how big some stuff really is.

  • 1. The Pacific Ocean

  • 2. Jupiter

  • 3. A Manta-Ray

  • 4. Africa

  • 5. Texas

  • Click here to find out more!
  • 6. A Blue Whale

  • 7. A Blue Whale's Heart

    That's a scale model.

  • 8. Antarctica

  • 9. The Most Powerful Nuclear Bomb Ever Detonated

  • 10. Russia

  • 11. The Largest Dinosaur Ever Discovered, Amphicoelias

  • 12. The Titanic

  • 13. Alaska

  • 14. One Trillion Dollars

    Those are all ONE HUNDRED dollar bills, double-stacked. And that's a person in the corner.

  • 15. The Universe

    Each one of those dots is a different galaxy. The Milk Way is one of those tiny, tiny dots.

  • Bonus! The True Size Of A Velociraptor

    As big as a turkey. Source: BuzzFeed

A rocket is a terrible thing to waste. At least shoot it into the sun so it can have an honorable death.

A gigantic robot wrecking the city. Artist unknown but very talented.

Click on image to make it monstrously large.

A myopic rabbit with a raygun is a dangerous thing indeed.

An inspired piece of artwork by Sick Sheep which I don't understand--but I don't think that's required.

Click on
image for
a dandy-

Remember a time when this was enough to make you happy? Neither do I, which is why BestBuy is so cool.

If I had the money I would buy my wife this necklace. If she didn't like it I would wear it myself.

My favorite vodka bottle of the night.


It's about darn time, isn't it?

Wow! Christian Bale has really changed. It must be for a movie.

I've never heard of this saying, but I'm game.

So does that mean that everything with the word Bird misspelled on it is reduced in price?

Here's a little place I have on Ventnor Avenue. I've got one just like it on Marvin Gardens for special occasions.

Well, I guess it's one way to blow out a fire. Dangerous, but it should work.

Frenchie the Bulldog knows what my wife has been trying to teach me for years. Clean dishes before putting them in the dishwasher.

Vince was upset when his truck was missing, but he had a pretty good idea where to look for it.

Please click image to make larger to get the joke.

'Dinklage is Wolverine' by the extra talented Brandon Bird.


Hey, you know what's funny? Most of these jokes. Warning--some are rude, crude and offensive. So there!

-Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One turns and says to the other, "I can't believe I just blew thirty bucks in there."

-What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water?

It's going to take me a while to get hard, I just got laid this morning.

-Two old ladies are sitting on a park bench, when suddenly a guy jumps out of the bushes and flashes them.

The first old lady had a stroke. The second old lady couldn't reach.

-Why did the leper hockey game stop? There was a face off at centre ice.

-How did the leper stop the card game? He threw his hand in.

-A priest walks into a hotel reception and says 'I have booked a room for the night, but I hope the pornography on the television is disabled'. The receptionist says 'You weirdo, its normal porn!'

-The 7 dwarves were all in the hot tub feeling Happy, but Happy left.

So they all felt Grumpy instead.

Then Dopey got them feeling Sleepy.

They all left when they started feeling Bashful.

-You know, statistically speaking, six out of seven dwarves aren't Happy.

-Two men were walking down the street when they saw a dog licking himself. One man said "I wish I could do that." the other man said "you should probably just pet him first."

-Ever heard of a Freudian slip? It's when you say one thing but mean your mother.

-What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve? Christopher Walken.

-Why are there no Irish lawyers? They can't pass the bar.

-What did the cannibal who was late to dinner get?

The cold shoulder!

-Buddha walks up to a hotdog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

-A moth flies into a podiatrist's office. The podiatrist goes "can I help you?" The moth goes "man, doc, where do I begin?... I get no respect at work, sometimes it feels like my boss doesn't even know I exist. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety. Sometimes in the middle of the night I wake up and look at my wife sleeping by my side, and I don't see my the woman I fell in love with, I see an old, wrinkled lady that I don't love any more. If only I had the courage, I would reach into the nightstand, take out the gun hidden there, and end this pathetic farce of a life."

The podiatrist says "man, that sounds pretty serious. But maybe you should see a psychiatrist, not a podiatrist."

The moth goes "yeah, I know."

The podiatrist asks "then why did you come in here?"

"The light was on."

-What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre.

-A bear walks into a bar and asks for a gin.............................and tonic. The bartender says "hey what's with the big pause". The bear says "I don't know, I've kinda always had em".

-Why don't crabs and shrimp take care of each other? Because they're shellfish.

-What did one snowman say to the other? "Do you smell carrots?"

-What's green, has four legs and if it falls from a tree onto you, will probably kill you?

A pool table.

Happy Fathers Day! Here are a couple of photos of me with my best friend.

If you're looking for me I'll be here practicing my short game. Bring some extra balls if you drop by.

One photo, three different stories. Who do you trust?