Great movie showdowns by the great Scott C.

The product placement in the Transformers 3 movie is pretty ridiculous.

An old radio/TV announcers test to limber up your tongue. Read it fast three times then take a nap.

Soccer? I never laid a hand on her! (The depth of my sad sense of humor knows no limits)

This photo makes me feel happy and sad at the same time. I like it.

After much goading RoboCop finally took his wife to the neighbor's barbecue, but he still didn't feel comfortable.

This is a good day for a swim. If you have a pool. And if you know how to swim. And if you're not in prison.

While his brother made a fortune in real estate, Dwayne Trump tried to make a go of his freelance taxidermy service.


Comedians Say the Funniest Things!

"If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the
video camera and come help me."
--Bobcat Goldthwait

"I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout.
That's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and run
to my sister's house and ask her for money."
--Kevin Meaney

"My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out
in the lake and threw her off the boat. That's how she learned
how to swim. I said,'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how
to swim.' "
--Paula Poundstone

"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly
in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic?
Do tall people burn slower?"
--Warren Hutcherson

"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock
every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands
there picking the locks, they are always locking three."
--Elayne Boosler

"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet
--John Mendoza

"Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just
a second."
--Steven Wright

"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better
verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of
that study: Duh."
--Conan O'Brien

"I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on
the pumpkin."
--Winston Spear

"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in?
I think that's how dogs spend their lives."
--Sue Murphy

"My grandfather's a little forgetful, but he likes to give me
advice. One day, he took me aside and left me there."
--Ron Richards

"I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be
thinking up something else."
--Lily Tomlin

"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three
out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."
--David Letterman

"Chihuahua. There's a waste of dog food. Looks like a dog that
is still far away."
--Billiam Coronell

"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight."
--Rita Rudner

"I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more
--Lily Tomlin

"I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know
what to feed it."
--Steven Wright

"I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them
above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!' "
--Bruce Baum

"I met a new girl at a barbecue, very pretty, a blond I think. I don't
know, her hair was on fire, and all she talked about was herself.
You know these kind of girls: 'I'm hot. I'm on fire. Me, me, me.'
You know.'Help me, put me out.' Come on, could we talk about
me just a little bit?"
--Garry Shandling

"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
--Paul Rodriguez

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my
fishburger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner."
--Lynda Montgomery


It's better to be thought an idiot then to wear a t-shirt that proves it.

I would much rather see this movie instead of another Twilight film.

Who are we to judge? That could be exactly what the kid looks like.

My name is Fred Schiller and I find absolutely nothing amusing about this photo. Not even a little bit. Nope. Nothing.

Dey not outstanding but they taste 'iight.

The Force is strong in this shower.

The graphics on the latest Mario Kart game are astoundingly life-like.

Now I'm going to have to score from that Doberman down the block, and he's a rip-off artist!

It really is the only thing you need to eat.