Elimination should not be painful. Hulk, you need to alter your diet. Freight trains and rodeo clowns aren't part of a healthy diet.

Art by the talented Fer Calvi.

I appreciate the offer, but I'm currently chatting with Racing Stripes in Russia. I'm very popular these days.

Many have tried...most have failed. Janitors resign frequently.

The victory cry we all want to shout while using a the toilet at someone else's house.

If needing to close the bathroom door even when you're home alone classifies you a neurotic, count me in.