What a dick...

I started reading the Dick Tracy comic strip in the last 60s, long after they did the really cool stuff and they only had a handful of characters. All the really racist bad guys had been weeded out by then. Luckily cartoonist Mike Lynch has collected over 200 characters/villains and some of them are doozies. Check them all out by clicking here. 

I hope everyone has a relaxing weekend...

Last night I dreamed of Michael Jackson..

I guess it's no shock. The news and prime time television last night was clotted with specials about him and Farrah. I had the opportunity to meet Jacko once. I was at Stan Lee Media at the time and Michael was in for a meeting with Stan. Within minutes of his arrival the whisper chain had spread the news. I happened to be walking out of my office when he and Stan were walking past. Stan was taking him on a tour. I don't know if I was introduced to him but I shook his hand. It was a strong supple hand. He wasn't wearing his surgical mask or his sparkle glove. He was a few inches taller than me, probably six feet, and he seemed totally genuine. 

That's all. Just thought I'd share. I also met and shook hands with Michael Bolton backstage after a concert,  but that's a story for another day. 

Robots and fallen idols...

Ten or twenty years from now when someone mentions the Transformer sequel, or I happen to catch it on cable or see it in my video collection, more than the movie I know I'm going to recall that two talented people died on the same day.

Everyone knows that Farrah Fawcett died of cancer. Preliminary reports are that Michael Jackson died of a heart attack. His lawyer has gone public saying that for years Michael has been overmedicated and that he predicted it would be the death of him--Michael and not the lawyer. As someone who used to take massive doses of prescription meds, and who almost died from it, I can see the lawyer's point of view.

I don't know if Jako was in chronic pain. I know he had a lot of surgery on his body, so perhaps he was getting meds from there. It didn't  take a genius to see that he was a lonely man and sometimes drugs help numb that pain or simply make us stop caring. 

Two pop icons died today and I saw Transformers: Rise of the fallen. It was a big, loud, over-the-top action movie. It was made, I think, specifically for everyone who saw the last one. Someone knew coming into the series is going to have a lot of head scratching going on, in an attempt to figure out what's going on. I know full and well what was going on and I got lost myself a few times. I don't know what this movie made, but it's all up there on the screen. Michael Bay truly shot his load with this one. It will make hundreds of millions of dollars and they really don't need to make another one. Really. That's all right. 

I forget...

What time is it is Japan again? Oh, yeah.

Who wants to watch the Watchmen?

No one was more psyched to see Zack Snyder's Watchmen movie earlier this year, but I'm sure I wasn't the only one who walked away feeling like they'd just bitten into a great big Twinkie.

 I compare the movie to a Hostess Twinkie because it looked so darn good sitting on the shelf. The packaging was just right, when then wrapper was off it felt right, but one bite was it all it took to tell that something wrong. What we got was fluffy and filled with cream--not the comic we'd come to love.

 I bring this up now because of the news of Zack Snyder’s 188 minute director’s cut of the film due out on July 17th. I’m hoping and praying for more bang and less fluffy filling. Apparently the Blu-Ray version promises to please even the most ardent fan with hours of extras. Extras are nice but I mostly like them when they’re cut into the film. 

Amazon is offering it for $23 which is down from the suggested $35. if you're into pre-ordering online. If you spend more than $25 you get free slow-boat-from-China shipping. I think I'll get mine from BestBuy because I'm more about impulse shopping than saving money.

I'll never look at a can of Alpo the same way again...

Ed McMahon is dead at the respectful age of 86. I grew up watching him spar with Johnny Carson and he was an amazing straight man. Most of the time he'd let Johnny have the laugh, but once in a while he'd take one for himself, leaving Carson dumbfounded. 

I've seen his signed 8x10s in local restaurants so I suspected he was a Central Coast regular. Then a few months back when I was in the hospital for a week I got to see a lot of Ed. The final room that they put me in (they sometimes move you around a lot in hospital--for instance they can't have a man and woman in the same room without a nurse present at all time as a chaperone. I needed to have my own chaperone because when I was a little off my nut I was considered a flight risk. My final room was designed to hold two patients but they ran out of room and slid in a third. I never got his name but I know he worked in Hollywood behind the cameras and he'd hurt his leg on the job. He had a lot of guests and one of them was Ed McMahon. Ed was in fantastic shape. He looked lots better than he does in the Publisher's Clearing house and other commercials he did. He seemed in very good health and he was a funny as could be. He spent time with his friend but he also worked the room. He made me laugh.

Of course I'd been hallucinating for days prior to seeing him, so I could have still been tripping balls and made the whole experience up in my mind. But I don't think so. I think I really saw him. 

Either way, R.I.P. Ed and thanks for the laffs.

Oh, and if you're too young to remember or never watched the show, for years Alpo dog food was a major sponsor of the Tonight Show and Ed would do live commercials wherein he would feed a bowl of Alpo to a starved dog while delivering his pitch. It usually went somewhat poorly.

I like pie as much as the next guy..American Pie, that is.

But whenever I hear it I use up a great deal of brain power (a precious commodity) figuring out the lyrics. That's why I looked them up and I thought I'd share. (They are on so many sites I don't know who wrote the original--but thanks)

Verse 1

A long, long time ago...
American Pie was written in 1971 and the time McLean is going to talk about is the 1950's. This seems like a long time ago 'cause of all the turmoil that occurred in the 60's.

I can still remember how that music used to make me smile.
McLean's favorite music was that of the 50's.

And I knew if I had my chance, that I could make those people dance, and maybe they'd be happy for a while.
In the 50's, the major purpose of music was for dancing (sock hops). He wanted to play rock & roll so people could have a good time.

But February made me shiver
Buddy Holly died on February 3, 1959 in a plane crash in Iowa. He was McLean's hero.

With every paper I'd deliver
Donny boy's only other job besides songwriting was a paper boy.

Bad news on the doorstep, I couldn't take one more step
This story was obviously on the frickn' front page and made McLean freeze in his tracks.

I can't remember if I cried
He can't remember if he cried.

When I read about his widowed bride
Holly's wife was pregnant when the accident occurred and soon after had a miscarriage.

But something touched me deep inside
I don't even wanna know!

The day the music died.
The crash took the lives of three current rock legends: Holly, Richie Valens and the Big Bopper, so now Feb. 3, 1959 is called "The day the music died." The music that died is considered the standard rock & roll songs. The crash was the final blow («--keyword) to this music 'cause these three were that only major artists left. Elvis was drafted, Little Richard (or "Little Dick") turned gospel, and Chuck Berry was arrested for screwin' a prostitute.

---

Verse 2

Did you write the book of love?
"The Book of Love" was a hit in 1968 by the Monotones.

And do you have faith in God above, if the Bible tells you so?
In 1955, Don Cornell wrote "The Bible Tells Me So" and there is a Sunday School song "Jesus Loves Me," with the line "For the Bible tells me so."

Now do you believe in rock & roll?
This is from the great song "Do You Believe in Magic?" by the Lovin' Spoonful, written by John Sebastin in 1965. One of the lines is like trying to teach a stranger 'bout rock & roll," and another is "the magic's in the music and the music's in me." The "magic" this Johnny was talking about is the ability of a song to stick in your head. Often times songs bring back memories of the past, this is what the magic is. This magic is especially in rock & roll, 'cause you experience it without thinking about it or trying to analyze the bloody lyrics (like some asshole is right now). Another lyric is "so just blow your mind." (Don't think about it).

Can music save your mortal soul?
Given all that, can music help you get though life? I'm sorry I can't answer that. All of these questions ask about life and if God exists.

And, can you teach me how to dance real slow?
Dancing in the 50's wasn't like it is today. If you danced with someone, you then were committed to them.

Now I know that you're in love with him, 'cause I saw you dancing in the gym.
Like I said, dancing was serious shit. McLean caught his love cheating on him.

You both kicked off your shoes
Reference to a "sock hop."

Man, I dig those rhythm and blues
He's depressed, and you listen to that kinda of music. There's a style of music for every feeling.

I was a lonely teenage broncin' buck
ummmm.....yeah, so was I......

With a pink carnation and a pickup truck
A pickup truck was a symbol of sexual freedom (and it rhymes with "buck" and "luck"), and Marty Robbins had a hit with "A White sport Coat (And a Pink Carnation) in 1957.

But I knew I was out of luck, the day the music died.
These old crazy things that worked in the fifty's no longer work, 'cause the 60's brought a new social revolution. Peace Out!

---

Verse 3

Now for ten years we've been on our own

The music died 1959, McLean more than likely started writing this song around 1969.

And moss grows fat on a rolling stone
The great Bob Dylan wrote "Like a Rolling Stone" in 1965. This was his first MAJOR change from folk music. In late 1966, Dylan was involved in a motorcycle accident, and hid in his house in Woodstock, NY for a good year, hence the "fat," and the moss shows the time change. Dylan didn't really get his muse back till 1975.

but that's not how it used to be.
McLean liked Dylan as a folk singer in the early sixties more than his folk-rock style in the mid sixties. (I wonder what he thinks of Dylan's religious phase!)

When the jester sang for the king and queen
Ok, the jester's Bob Dylan. The king is Peter Seger and the queen is Joan Baez. These were the two big names in folk at the time early '60's). During the Newport Folk Festival in 1963, Dylan was honored to play his own set and then combine with these two legends to sing his song "Blowin' in the Wind."

In a coat he borrowed from James Dean
In the Dean movie "Rebel Without A Cause," he wears a red windbreaker. On the cover of the Dylan's "Freewheelin'," he is seen also in a red windbreaker. This cover also resembles a famous picture of Dean. This ties in with the previous line 'cause this album is were Dylan really took off, with such songs as "Blowin' in the Wind" and "A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall."

And a voice that came from you and me.
This means two things. 1. Dylan was the spokesman for the 60's (and he was) and 2. He didn't have the best singing voice in the world, and even you and me could sing like him (but you could write like him if Shakespeare «he's in the alley» himself told you what to say!)

Oh, and while the king was looking down
This could mean two things; Pete Seger remained a traditional folk singer, while Dylan was constantly reinvented himself and therefore became unbelievably popular. This could also be a reference to Elvis (the King of rock and roll), because he joined the U.S. Army and reportedly dropped his soap everyday in the shower.

The jester stole his thorny crown
While Elvis was in the army, Dylan took his spotlight and changed the whole music business. The thorny crown is the price of fame, and is referenced with Jesus's thorny crown before he was murdered.

The courtroom was adjourned, no verdict was returned
This deals with the Kennedy assassination. Lee Harvey Oswald was never convicted because he was murdered.

And while Lennon read a book of Marx
This is about the Beatles music becoming political. Songs like "Revolution" (1968) (which actually mentions Chairman Mao) were much different then "Love Me Do" (1963). Many American adults thought the Beatles were bad for the American youth, especially after Lennon's remark in 1966 about Christianity. He said "Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink. I needn't argue with that; I'm right and I will be proved right. We're more popular than Jesus now; I don't know which will go first: rock 'n' roll or Christianity." This started anti-Beatles burnings and such.

The quartet practiced in the park
The quartet was the Beatles (there were four, not including if Paul McCartney is really dead!) and the park thing is Candlestick Park, the place of their last concert. It was practicing 'cause their music would grow after they stopped touring (their first project after this was "Sgt. Pepper" which is considered the best album of all time).

And we sang dirges in the dark, the day the music died.
A dirge is a funeral song. These songs were for the Kennedy's (John and Robert) and Martin Luther King, all who died in the mid 60's. And remember- "Dark" rhythms with "Park"

---

Verse 4

Helter Skelter in a summer swelter
Charles Manson is one of the most dangerous cereal killers ever (his favorite was coco-puffs). In the summer of 1968, he massacred an entire family 'cause of the Beatles song "Helter Skelter," which appeared on the white album. He thought that the Beatles were warning America about the racial conflict and it was "coming down fast." He thought the Beatles were the four angels mentioned in the Book of Revelation in the Bible. Manson wrote the title of the song on the wall in blood after committing the murders. Also, he thought in "Revolution 9" that Lennon was saying "rise" instead of "right," thought the line "They need a damn good wacking" from "Piggies" was telling him to kill people and the "Hollywood Song" in "Honey Pie" was about him 'cause he lived near Hollywood. He was dropping too much acid and thought the Beatles were talking directly to him and told him to kill those people.

The Byrd flew off with to a fallout shelter
The Byrd's were a popular folk-rock group, with the huge cover of Dylan's "Mr. Tambourine Man," in 1965. One of the members was arrested for possession of marijuana and a fallout shelter was another name for a rehab program. A strange note is that Dylan's "Mr. Tambourine Man" appeared on his "Bringing It All Back Home" record, and on the lower left corner of the cover is a fallout shelter sign.

Eight miles high and falling fast.
"Eight Miles High" was the first ever psychedelic song (it was written while high on speed, and the sound of the guitar was supposed to sound like a saxophone). The falling fast part is probably about the fact that the Byrd's abandoned folk-rock for country music with the album "Sweetheart of the Rodeo," in 1967

Then landed in the foul grass
Foul grass meaning marijuana.

The players tried for a forward pass
Here the football metaphor starts. The players are the protesters in the 60's. The forward pass was their movement to change the situation they were in, full of government corruption.

With the jester, on the sidelines in a cast.
Remember jester=Dylan. In late 1966, while riding near his house in Woodstock, NY, he briefly glanced into the sun and lost control of his bike. When he went to brake, they locked up on him and sent him flying off the motorcycle. It took him about 9 months to recover (or was he just pregnant and trying to hide it from the world????), in which time he very rarely left the house, hence the cast.

Now the half time air was sweet perfume
Flower Power, groovy baby! Drugs, man, drugs.

While sergeants played a marching tune
Sgt. Pepper, Beatles, 1967, recently named the most influencal album of all time. First ever concept album. First to have lyrics printed on the back. First to have a design on the protector of the record. Included an elaborate cover design and cut-outs. As far as the music goes, it had drug references in Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, sitars, animal sounds and studio trickery. In the song "Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite!" at one point in the sound the engineer was instructed to cut the tape into small pieces, scatter them around, then tape them back together. In "A Day in the Life" (which was banned from the radio 'cause of the drug reference line "I'd Love to Turn You On"), after the piano cords die out, there is a minute of silence, followed by a high pitched sound (by the request of John Lennon, especially to annoy the family dog), then a loop of Beatles gibberish to make the owners of the LP think that the needle had stuck! What was I talking about again?

We all got up to dance, but we never got the chance
Oh yeah, American Pie!! That's a good song...anyway, the Beatles helped to start a new kind of music that was meant to be listened and not danced to (how do you dance to "Within You and Without You"?).

'Cause the players tried to take the field
Players=Protesters. In 1968, at the Chicago Democratic convention, protesters rioted, and some were beaten by the police. It is now known as the days of rage. Also in 1970, at Kent State University, four students were killed by the National Guard in response to their anti-Vietnam protests, which inspired the song "Ohio" by CSN & Neil Young.

The marching band refused to yield
The Beatles had some anti-violence songs that made protesters think twice about the way they were acting. "All You Need is Love" (1967) says there is a better way then violence, and in "Revolution" (1968) one of the lines is "But when you talk about destruction, don't you know that you can count me out." The beatles were in no way pro-government (as seen in 1968's "Piggies," which is about Congressmen), but they were against violence.

Do you recall what was revealed, the day the music died.
So what was revealed? ...well look at today, the president gets more ass then a toilet seat. As Dr. Evil says in Austin Powers, "Face it, freedom failed" or more accurately, the protests failed. The government is more corrupt now then ever before. McLean wasn't a big 60's fan and here is putting down the efforts of the failed generation.

---

Verse 5

And then we were all in one place
Woodstock Performing Arts Festival took place in August in 1969. 400,000 of McLean's generation were there. It took place at Woodstock (actually Bethel) because that's were Dylan was hiding, and they were hoping he would come out and play. Unfortunately he turned it down for the "Isle of Wright" concert.

A generation lost in space
The moon landing was of course in 1969, David Bowie's "Space Oddity" was released (which was about 'major Tom' who got lost in space), there was a TV show called "Lost in Space" and this is a drug reference, the 60's are generalized by saying everyone in the entire world was on acid.

With no time left to start again
It took them a whole decade to get to this point, the generation's time was quickly fading. McLean thinks they wasted most of there time on drugs.

So come on Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack flash sat on a candlestick
"Jumpin' Jack Flash" was a hit for the Rolling Stones. In this song, McJagger compares himself with Jesus. This line comes from the nursery rhyme that has the line "Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack jumps over a candlestick."

'cause fire is the devil's only friend.
The Stones sold out to the devil. Their only comeback to the Beatles "Sgt. Pepper" was their album "Their Satanic Majesties Request." Seeing that you've probably never heard of this, you can imagine that it pretty much sucks. Also, their song "Sympathy for the Devil," proves that they were desperate to sell their records (the Beatles were SOOOOO much better!). Was it really worth celebrating the devil?

Oh, and as I watched him on the stage
No, it wasn't. In December of 1969, the Stones attempted another Woodstock, this time at Altamont Speedway. This time it was a free concert, with the Hell's Angel's handling the security. The biggest mistake was paying them in advance, but instead of money, with beer and handfuls of acid. While the stones were singing "Sympathy for the Devil," a black man was beaten and stabbed to death by the Hell's Angels. They soon began beating everyone, include a member of the Jefferson Airplane.

My hands were clenched in fists of rage
He was pissed.

No angel born in hell could brake that Satan's spell
"angels born in hell" a.k.a. the "Hell's Angels!" When you have sympathy for the devil, you're asking for trouble.

As the flames climbed high into the night, to light the sacrificial rite
The stones were helicoptered out of there it became so crazy, hence the "climbed high." It's like the Stones started the living hell, and left in the middle of it...what's up with that? The sacrifice to the devil was the man's life.

I saw Satan laughing with delight, the day the music died.
This was the definitive ending of the sixties. The generation that was lost in space was now lost on earth. Before the only violence was between the hippies and the police, now it was amongst themselves. Satan had won, in one final blow.

---

Verse 6

I met a girl who sang the blues and I asked her for some happy news, but she just smiled and turned away.
Janis Joplin is most the girl who sang the blues. Her big hits were "Piece of My Heart" and "Me and Bobby McGee." She died of an accidental heroin overdose on October 4, 1970. McLean is still trying to find happiness like in the beginning of the song "Maybe they'd be happy for a while," "That music used to make me smile." (Note the tone of the song is very similar in these to verses) But this time the smile isn't for happiness but regret.

I went down to the sacred store
Here he's talking about record stores that sold 50's albums.

Where I heard the music years before, but the man said the music wouldn't play
By the 70's, the 50's music was almost ignored by everyone. Hundreds of great albums were released in the 60's, and it seems that everyone has forgot about the 50's.

And in the streets the children screamed

The youth of America were beaten in the streets especially at the end of the decade. (Like I said earlier, the Kent State murders and the Chicago Democratic Convention)

The lovers cried and the poets dreamed
In Dylan's "A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall," he says: "I met one man he was wounded in love, I met another man he was wounded in hatred," showing that love hurts sometimes as much as hate.

But not a word was spoken. The church bells all were broken.
Again in "A Hard Rain...," the line is "I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken." Simon and Garfunkel had a hit with "Sound of Silence." The church bells all were broken shows that people have forgotten God. All things are are so sacred are gone, love, faith, happiness, peace. In Dylan's "It's Alright Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)," one verse goes: Disillusioned words like bullets bark . As human gods aim for their mark . Made everything from toy guns that spark . To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark . It's easy to see without looking too far. That not much Is really sacred. McLean isn't the only one that feels this way. He was obviously a religious man, and is very disappointed that they have abandoned God.

And the three men I admire most, the Father, Son and Holy Ghost
The trinity of God, McLean was Catholic.

They caught the last train for the coast.
God has left. Time magazine even featured a cover story "Is God Dead?" The generation has failed, and "with no time left to start again." It was now up to the next generation to put things right (and they did a terrible job might I add).

The day the music died. And we were singing....
This last verse is the hardest to explain...Remember, McLean never would talk about what what the lyrics definitely mean, so it's not perfectly clear. Some people believe there were more references to the Kennedy's (him being the king and his wife the queen), but I feel his presence is felt though the songs from the 60's better. Ps, this took me forever.

---

Refrain

So bye, bye Miss American Pie
Pimp Daddy McLean was dating one of the Miss America contestants during one of the pageants. Also the "American Pie" part is a symbol of the American Dream (at least of the 50's), it was also the name of the plane that crashed and killed Holly (or so goes the rumor).

Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry
The American automobile was the Chevy. The levee business shows that America wasn't fertile anymore (at least in the sense of music). "Chevy" rhymes with "levee."

And them good old boys were drinking whiskey and rye singing "This will be the day that I die, this will be the day 
that I die."
The traditional Americans are depressed with the current lifestyle (60's). The song comes from Buddy Holly's "That'll be the day," that eventually says "that I die."

Another interesting note brought to my attention by Scott Tilles, is that the Levee was a bar in Purchase, NY near McLean's hometown. There is also a Levee, NY which is about 15 minutes from the school he attended.

My daughter's Father's Day card for me...

Is she great, or what? Inside is an equally cool drawing of Mr. Incredible and some nice words from her. 

Also, please note the 'F' on the chest. I hope it's for Fred and not something else. Nah.

My daughter--I think I'll keep her.

Happy Father's day to all you fathers...

It was a quiet day around here. My daughter was out camping with friends, my wife was a little under the weather, and my left knee felt like it was filled with ground glass, so festive it was not. I still got a nice present, the Iron Man Armor Evolutions figure set I've wanted for a while, and Val made me a nice meat loaf for dinner--my personal fave comfort food. 

Dakota left a handmade Father's Day card taped to my door which is super cool and as soon as I get a scan of it I'll show you. My daughter spits in the eye of the giant that is Hallmark! 

Alice in Acid Land

Images are coming out now from Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland adaptation. Johnny Depp is in it, of course, playing the Mad Hatter--but his makeup is so tricked out you might not recognize him. When I get some clean shots of the rest of the cast I'll post them.

I had sort of a weirdly deprived childhood and I never read the book. Never saw the animated version either. Which is not to say that I haven't seen bits and pieces of both--I have--I just don't know the whole story. We weren't big on the classics in my house and school when I was young. I read all the Hardy Boys and Tom Swift books but I never read, say, Treasure Island or Gulliver's Travels. Oh, well. At least I had shoes, food on the table and a warm bed to sleep in at night. I guess I wasn't THAT deprived.

I'm a happy little camper...

I just picked up two books, Patriot Acts and Walking Dead, by one of my favorite authors--Greg Rucka. Both books feature my favorite Rucka character, Attacus Kodiak. 

Rucka has written some outstanding comic books, like Whiteout, but I personally prefer his novels. If you're not a fan already, give him a shot. I think you'll be hooked like me. 

Spending too much time in the gutter...

Hands down the most popular game console in our household  is the Wii. This could have something to do with the fact that we haven't gotten around to getting an XBox 360 or a Playstation 3, but still I have nothing but praise for the Wii. 

We've purchased a number of games for the Wii, but I spend most of my time playing the Sports games which I'm pretty sure came free with the console. My wife and I play a lot of tennis, but the current fave is bowling. I just can't get enough of it. It's fun and maddening difficult at the same time. This past weekend I got my rating up over 1000 to the pro end of the chart and I was rewarded with a sparkle bowling ball (until you hit pro you play with a single color plain ball). Of course as soon as I got it I bowled a bum game, lost twenty-five skill points and lost my pro status and my sparkle bowl. I quickly worked hard to get back over the pro line. My current skill level is around 1045, which means if I bowl a couple of weak games I go back to a plain ball. 

I wonder if there are any other perks if I can get my skill level really high. Time will tell

My wife and daughter refuse to play with the straps attached to the controller. They won't play with the rubber condom-like sheath that's designed to give you a really good grip. I guess in the early days of the Wii they had people losing their grip on their controllers and would send them flying into their plasma t.v.'s and Ming vases. I would like to at least have the strap on my controller, but after Val and Dakota took them off they got lost. The cats probably have them hidden somewhere. Our cats do things like that. If you leave something like a pill bottle out on a table, they'll knock it down and roll it under the couch or in some corner. Sneaky bastards.

I want to be a better bowler but I seem to have hit a glass wall. I've been fighting the urge to look for tips online for fear that I'll find some cheat codes and then I'll be rolling 300 games and the fun will fly out the window. 

I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts...

Wait. That's not entirely true. The fact of the matter is that I don't have a single coconut; what I do have is a sore knee that feels like I have a toothache in it. It hurts so much that sometimes the pain goes up to my hip and down to my ankle. I think the medical term is 'presenting'. All I know is it hurts like hell.

I shouldn't be shocked that my knees are shot. I've been overweight for the past fifty years or so (actually forty-nine--but who's counting?) and I've put them through a lot.

The first sign I was going to have trouble happened when I was working at Stan Lee Media. My right leg locked up on me--plain and simple. I could bend it but it was pure agony. The doctors put me down for bed-rest and kept me drugged up to the gills. A week later it was all better. The same knee was bugging me around a year ago so I saw a different doctor and he said I needed to have the joint replaced. I scoffed at him and forgot about his prognosis--until now.

The fact of the matter is that I'm probably going to need to have both done. I wonder if they'll do both at the same time? I keep wondering what would happen if they took my knee(s) out and then found that they didn't have a replacement knee big enough. Aside from being a fatty, I have really big bones. Seriously. With my leg bent my knee feels like the size of a coconut. I don't want to come out of this with skinny kneecaps. I'll be the laughing stock at the beach.

I see a specialist in a couple of weeks to see what there is to be seen. Until then I'm in bunches of pain and nothing but over the counter crap to put a band-aid on it. I might as well be taking M&Ms.

Sorry my pipe is full of gripe but I'm missing a family reunion right this very minute. It's being held on the family ranch and the ground there is so rough there's no way I could handle it--even with my cane. Plus I don't want to be seen walking around with a cane. Everyone will think I'm an almost fifty-year-old fat guy with bad knees. 

Here's a nice Christmas present...

Robert Downey Jr. as Holmes and Jude Law as Watson. That should go down good after Christmas dinner. 

The saddest story of the day...

HUNTINGTON BEACH – Colby Curtin, a 10-year-old with a rare form of cancer, was staying alive for one thing – a movie.

From the minute Colby saw the previews to the Disney-Pixar movie Up, she was desperate to see it. Colby had been diagnosed with vascular cancer about three years ago, said her mother, Lisa Curtin, and at the beginning of this month it became apparent that she would die soon and was too ill to be moved to a theater to see the film.

After a family friend made frantic calls to Pixar to help grant Colby her dying wish, Pixar came to the rescue.

The company flew an employee with a DVD of Up, which is only in theaters, to the Curtins’ Huntington Beach home on June 10 for a private viewing of the movie. 

The animated movie begins with scenes showing the evolution of a relationship between a husband and wife. After losing his wife in old age, the now grumpy man deals with his loss by attaching thousands of balloons to his house, flying into the sky, and going on an adventure with a little boy. 

Colby died about seven hours after seeing the film.

The kicker is that the little girl was in so much pain she had to sit through the movie with her eyes closed. Her mother described what was going on screen for her. 

Anyone who sees any humor in this story--so much so that the Diet Pepsi they were drinking comes squirting out of their nose--should be ashamed of themselves.

Seeing UP was a nice dying wish. Mine involves Megan Fox and a can of creamed corn.

I wish my newspaper carried the B.C. strip...

I've been a B.C. fan forever, but that relationship was cemented when I wrote Johnny Hart a fan letter and he sent me a Sunday strip.

It’s almost noon—this is what I’ve done so far this morning..

For starters I only got up around ten o’clock. Sleep eluded me last night and my eyes didn’t close until Valarie got up this morning at seven. The meds that I’m currently on serve to exasperate my occasional twitchy leg syndrome. Val says that now my leg beats regularly like a big fleshy metronome.

 While I was up last night I did play a little Mario Kart on the Wii and I bowled for around an hour—long enough to reach Pro level. My reward was a shiny new bowling ball that has stars and sparkles on it. It must have been Irwin Allen night last night because I watched a good chunk of both Earthquake and The Poseidon Adventure. Say what you want about Poseidon Adventure—it’s 35 years old and most of the effects are as creaky as the lead actors, but in ten minutes you get more characterization and gravitas than in all two hours of the remake, Poseidon. In the same vein, I make no excuses for Earthquake. I could live to be a happy old Fred if I never see it again. When I was watching I always root for the earthquake to kill them all.

 So, back to this morning. I got up, cleaned the remnants of the Sandman’s from my bleary eyes, and fell to the floor and did some cat wrestling. I always beat them and then they go off to lick themselves and sulk. They all did this except for Oliver, a big sausage of a cat, who automatically rolls over on his back whenever anyone is within fifty feet of him so he can get a belly scratch. He’s a sausage.

After playing with the cats I went and cleaned the litter boxes out. One of our cats, Ozzy, has the whole litter box concept backward. When he perches on the edge of one of the two boxes we have he always does it in the wrong direction and he poops on the floor. Every single day. Thankfully, for some reason when he empties his bladder he does it into the litter.

After scooping the poop and washing my hands I poured myself a healthy bowl of Apple Jacks. I turned the television on and watched the second half of Speed Racer while I ate. This movie bugged the crap out of me when I saw it in the theater and the first couple of times I caught chunks of it on cable. But I think I finally get it. I was reminded of George Lucas’ response to people who thought the first three movies weren’t as good as the original second trilogy. To paraphrase him, in essence he said “Hey, these are my movies. I hope you like them, but if you don’t that’s too bad—go make your own!” The way I see it, Los Bros Wachowski got the chance to make the Speed Racer movie they saw in their heads, and we can like it or not. Long ago I wrote some issues of the Speed Racer and Racer X comics and I screwed around with some established concepts just because I wanted to, because that’s what was in my head. I’m sure some people hated my take, but I know some folks liked it very much.

After eating I gathered up the laundry and started a load in the washer and dryer. Then I played with the cats some more.

I finally set foot in the office, chased our youngest cat Rocket out of my chair and fired up the computer. After checking email I did some research for a project I’m writing for Liquid Development.

Then I rearranged my Mighty Muggs figures. Somehow Mace Windu and Darth Maul had gotten mixed in with the Marvel characters. What goes on in here during the night. The telephone has been ringing off the hook. It’s mostly sales people (I have to figure out how to get on the DO NOT CALL registry. We were on it at the old house and since we moved it’s been hell on wheels. The other calls have been about my out standing hospital bills from my two stays. I keep telling them to continue adding on the interest and I’ll pay it when I can pay it. (You’d think they’d be happy with the hundreds of thousands of dollars the insurance company has given them so far) 

Well, it’s noon. I need to go switch over the laundry and come back here and do some real work. 

When I look at these pictures of Megan Fox, I feel a transformation in my pants...

Gunderwear--the perfect place to pack your heat

I wonder if they make them in Husky Boy sizes?

Think it through--before you tattoo. Really, think about it. It's going to be on you for a long, long time.

Japan will always be ahead of us...

Wanna know what time it is in Tokyo? Be sure to let it load.

I have a little peccadillo…

For some reason I find myself really bugged by hardcover books that are missing their dust jackets.

Last night Valarie finished the latest Lee Child novel, which I had read last week, and I noticed she put it on the shelf minus the dust jacket. I was silently appalled. I would have said something to her but with Val you have to choose your battles very wisely.

I found the cover this morning and everything is as it should be once more. I don’t have any clue why the lack of a dust jacket bugs me. I think it might have to do with the fact that I myself take the jacket off when I start reading a new book. I always wind up getting the book cover full of fingerprints from the natural oil that we all exude. The dust jacket hides these grubby little flaws. Plus, some dust jackets are just plain beautifully designed and illustrated. I wish I knew how to do that plastic coated library covering over the jackets. That would be cool. 

R.I.P. Fred’s PSP…long live the Wii!

It was time to face facts. I’m not getting younger and my eyesight sure the heck isn’t getting any better.

The PSP is a great little machine and I had a lot of good times playing with it, but The tiny screen just wasn’t cutting it—especially when there’s Wii in the living room hooked up to an obscenely big screen television.

So Dakota and I went to GameCrazy and handed them the PSP and all the six or seven games I’d purchased used. The resulting credit was enough to buy Mario Kart Racing and a couple other Wii games, along with a spare steering wheel. Dakota and I really dig playing Mario Kart on the GameCube and I hope it’s just as much fun on the Wii.

Val and I are nuts for playing tennis and bowling, so if Mario Kart turns out to be fun we can pick up an extra steering wheel for the game. A long time ago the three of us used to have fun playing Beetle Bug racing on the N64. Of course when you talk about the N64 you have to talk about James Bond in Golden Eye. I’m still waiting to have more fun than I had playing that game.

I was a pretty good this weekend...

I only bought two Mighty Muggs figures.I have to stop this obsession. No more for me...unless I find a Hulk.. Now THAT could seal the deal. In the meantime I have bunches to admire and dust everyday.

How do they know that I do my "thing" with a Frisbee?

Have those sneaky bastards been peeking in my bedroom window?

Why are kids so darn loud?

We live in a pretty quiet neighborhood on California’s Central Coast. We’re surrounded by strawberry and pepper fields and it’s very quiet. At the end of our four street mini neighborhood is a grade school. If I threw a rock out of my office window I might reach halfway to the playground.

Like I said, it’s a quiet neighborhood—except for Monday through Friday from around 11:00 am to 2:00 pm.. That’s when they let the kids come out. I can’t remember the last day it rained around here, so they’re outside everyday. And boy do they like to scream.

I’m not really complaining. I could close my window and just marginally hear them, or put on music and drown them out (I used to always listen to music while writing—not so much these days). I always have my window open, so the cats can sit up on the ledge and watch Birdy TV, so I can almost always hear the kids.

I don’t remember yelling all that much as a little kid. My mom was going through menopause when I was a young lad so yelling around the house was probably verboten. But why do kids yell?

It’s my guess that there’re two reasons. Firstly, they are little kids living in a big grown up world and they want to be big themselves. So they climb things and bray as loud as they can to give the impression that they are bigger than they are in reality. Secondly, I think it’s simply a matter of being heard. As adults we (mostly) talk politely and wait our turn to speak our minds. Kids haven’t developed this skill to the degree that most adults have, so to make themselves heard they yell louder than the kid next to them.

I guess I’ve always been too quiet for my own good. I remember in high school my best friend Trent Haynes would be with a group of people at school or at a party and we’d be joking around. I would say something and get no response, mostly because I was so quiet, but then Trent would repeat what I said and get roars of laughter. I didn’t mind it.

Perhaps that’s why I took up writing; so people could finally hear what I have to say.

The kids are kinda quiet right now. It’s after 3:00 so they must be gone for the day. They were really loud earlier but I didn’t mind because mixed in with all the yelling there was plenty of laughter. That always takes the edge off.

What to wear...what to wear

Here's Tony Stark trying to figure out which suit fits the day. I hope he remembers that you're never fully dressed without a smile.

Word on the street...

Word is that J.J. Abrams and Tom Cruise are cooking up a storyline for Mission:IMPOSSIBLE #4 to be set in Tokyo. Rumor is that Abrams will only produce and not direct, but if he has a hand in writing it I think I'll like it just fine.

I've really got to hit the stores this weekend...

The Dark Fish?

Or is the fish Christian Bale carrying an arch enemy? Is he going to bring him home to grill him?

Credit where it's due...

Dudes--do you realize that there's a new Transformers movie coming out in a week or two? How is that possible? Bay turned this sequel out in the blink of an eye. Unless it turns out to be a big steaming pile, it's pretty near a miracle. I was just watching the first one on cable this weekend. Amazing.

The only Starbuck you don't pay four bucks a cup for...

Word has it that next season 24 is going to have a little extra eye candy--not to slight those of you who get a chubby over Chloe.

Here's what they're saying over at Slash Film.
"Katee Sackhoff, the actress best known for playing Starbuck on Battlestar Galactica, has joined the cast of the eighth season of Fox’s 24. Sackhoff will play Dana Walsh, “a highly respected and down-to-earth data analyst at the new and improved” New York City branch of CTU."

That damn dog just won't leave me alone...

It must be my meat-flavored aftershave.

Knowing that you have a problem is a big step toward curing it, right?

Today I bought my thirteenth and fourteenth Mighty Mugg figures. We were at Target and they had the Ghost Rider I've always wanted along with a bitchin' C3PO.

I don't smoke, drink, or take drugs (at least not anymore), so I guess there are worse habits out there. Still, I have guilt. I love the little guys but I always suffer from some degree of buyer's regret---like when I bought the phaser from the new Star Trek movie. I have phasers from the original series and some of the movies. Get ready for some form of fund raiser to pay for my funeral. Val can't sell my toys--I'm taking them with me.

Decadent collector that I am...

The other night Val and I wanted to see a movie so we checked out some of our DVDs.

Between homemade discs, boxed television series and plain old movies, our DVD collection is becoming so large I'm afraid that it will one day sink into the center of the earth. If Paul Mounts' collection sinks I know ours is not too far away. I should thin out my collection, maybe trade them in for new ones, but I like them all. Here are some of my favorite movies;
- The Simpsons Movie
- Minority Report
- Stealth (I've got a soft spot for talking airplanes)
-Transformers
- The Incredibles
- Payback (The new one with Mel)
- Hellboy 1 & 2
- Hulk (I like both but I lean more towards the Ang Lee version)
- Dark City
- I am Legend
- Sin City
- King Kong (I'll watch all three versions)
- Kill Bill 1 & 2
- The Bourne Movies (But the first remains the best)
- Godzilla (Any and all of them. Even the one with Ferris Bueller in it.)
- Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (Although these days I always wonder what Mr. Rooney has stashed in his desk drawer.)
- Predator (This movie is sooo much better than people give it credit for. I’ll usually stop for the sequel as well, but it pales compared to the first.)
- RoboCop (Always the first one in the series, most times the second one, and the third one only if no one else is in the room.)
- Nightmare Before Christmas
- Once Upon a Time in Mexico
- Iron Giant
- Life of Brian
- Mission Impossible 3
- Bocky 1-4
- Finding Nemo
- A Shot in the Dark (As well as any of the Pink Panther movies with Peter Sellers in them.)
- The Fifth Element (Bruce Willis doesn’t get more charming than here. My favorite dialogue exchange happens at the ticket counter. “We’re newlyweds. Just met. You know how it is. We bumped into each other, sparks happened…”“Leeloo Dallas mul-ti-pass.””Yes, she knows it’s a multipass. Anyway, we’re in love.”
- Independence Day (Yes, you read right, and no, I haven’t been drinking gasoline.)
-The Green Mile
- Resident Evil
- Moulin Rouge
- Terminator 1-3
- Stargate
- Nighmare Before Christmas
- Ronin (a great movie that never found the right audience)
- Pitch Black
- Near Dark
- Galaxy Quest
- Stuck On You
- Memento
- What's Up Tigerlily?
- Kung Pow
- Lord of the Rings (Any of the three but especially the third.)
- Star Wars (Any of the six, even with JarJar.)
- Smokey and the Bandit (This one worries me a tiny bit. But not much.)
- The Hustler (Newman + Gleason + Pool = Cool)
- The Great Escape
- The Conehead Movie (Once I gave it a chance I was hooked for life)
- Rocky (I’ll check out any of the first four, but the second one is my favorite and I’ll watch if from start to finish.)
- Sky Captain
- My Neighbor Totoro (as well as Kiki's Delivery Service)
- Fat City (It’s from the 70s and Stacy Keach plays a washed up boxer who tries for a comeback.)
- Planet of the Apes (I’ll take a peek at any of them, but only stay for the first one.)
- The Cincinnati Kid (Steve McQueen burns up the screen, and Ann-Margret is so damn sexy she practically leaves puddles of lust behind wherever she goes.)
- Fail-Safe
- Dr. Strangelove
- Disney's Beauty and the Beast
- Flight of the Phoenix (I’ll stop and watch the remake as well.)
- When Worlds Collide (Great concept, pretty good execution, not much cheese.)
- Alien (All of them. Even Alien Vs. Predator.)
- The Omega Man (I wish it were on right now. I should go check. Nope.)
- Monsters, Inc.
- Raiders of the Lost Ark (I’ll check out any of them, but he second one still leaves me cold, even after years of trying to like it.)
- Buckaroo Banzai (Flawed, but an A+ for effort.)
- Key Largo (Bogart does his best work in this film.)
- Journey to the Center of the Earth (I refuse to eat goose pate even to this day. Poor Gertrude.)
- Jaws
- Five Million Years to Earth (Part of the Hammer Quartermass series. A childhood favorite that I still cherish today.)
- Mysterious Island (I don’t care if it ignores the book. I still hold it precious.)
- Firefox (Clint Eastwood speaking Russian AND flying the fastest jet on the planet? Count me in!)
- Our Man Flint (Hey buddy, got a light? Oww!)
- To Sir With Love (Those schoolgirl days…)
- The Road Warrior (Not a big fan of the first Mad Max film, but I’ll always stop for this one and Beyond Thunderdome.)
- The Verdict (of the Newman/Redford team I always liked Paul Newman lots more)
- Army of Darkness (As well as Evil Dead 2)
- Blazing Saddles (As well as Silent Movie, Young Frankenstein, and The Producers.)
- Hair
- Johnny Dangerously
- Crimson Tide
- Around The World Under The Sea
- Silent Running (Bruce Dern as a creepy hippy trying to save the rainforest. Why not?)
- Dead Calm
- Magnum Force (Along with Dirty Harry. You got a problem with that? Well, do ya’ punk?)
- Return of the Living Dead (Smart and funny—what a combo!)
- Marooned (Gene Hackman is good in anything.)
- The Silencers (Any Matt Helm movie is worth a quick look.)
- The Birds (As well as most Hitchcock films.)
- Close Encounters of the Third Kind
- Poltergeist
- The French Connection
- Toy Story
- Slap Shot (Paul Newman at his cynical best.)
- Tobor the Great (Tobar is Robot spelled backward.)
- Inherit the Wind
- Robot Jox
- Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea

But in the end I couldn't decide so we went and saw the new Star Trek movie again. Wow, was it better on the second viewing. The whole alternate Trek universe that J.J. Abrams cooked up really made sense this time.

I guess he finally snatched the pebble from Keye Luke's palm.....

Boy he sure kicked ass in Kill Bill. He'll be missed

After the last bombastic entry in the series, do we need another? Really?

I'm still digesting the last one.

Does whatever an iron can...part deux

Only a year or so to wait. Mmmm boy.

Did you ever feel...just...weird?

That's how I feel these days. Maybe I've having another heart attack or stroke. I dunno. I don't especially feel sick, but at the same time I don't feel well either. Perhaps it's depression. I suggested that to my shrink the other day and he thought I was feeling weird because I wasn't taking my meds first thing in the morning like I'm supposed. I tried that this morning and it's more of the same. I'm not stressed or anxious about anything special. Maybe it's because I'm off all my pain meds. I have pain, but I also can now recite the alphabet and do more than simple household tasks--which I was unable to when drugged up.

I'm broken. Is there a doctor in the house?

The many (4) faces of Ahnold...

Word is they're warming up for a Total Recall sequel. Who knows why, but since when has Hollywood needed a reason for doing things?

Hey, movie over...

This weekend Val and I set a new record--two movies in one weekend. Keep in mind that both of us are in sloth mode at the moment, thanks mostly to me. We interrupted watching last season of 24 on dvd to venture out and see Sam Raimi's Drag Me To Hell and Disney's UP. Both were special and spectacular for their own reasons. You can watch UP with a limited audience, but if you're going to see Hell try to see it with a crowded house. The more the better.

Vantastic!

I just found out that my old cellmate Jim Higgins has bought himself a van. I've never owned a van, but if I did I know for a fact what I'd paint on the side of it. No lie. And I would be the coolest cat in town..

Also...

In my last post I suggested Robert Crais' novels for those looking for something to read. I would be remiss if I didn't also suggest another author I'm a big fan of--Lee Child's badass Reacher novels. There's about a dozen to keep you busy.

Wasting time, in a constructive way of course...

When I find myself unable to write, I read. These days I'm rereading the Robert Crais' Elvis Cole novels (along with the very tasty Demolition Angel). If you can't write (or draw Iron Man blasting the Blastarr) at the moment, or if you're just looking for a good read, give Crais a try..

If you can find him, you're a better man (or woman) than me...

A new way to waste my money...

Mighty Muggs are cool. I only have two of the Iron Men. The third is over a hundred bucks for some reason. I'll have to ask Santa for it.